


Coming Out Harry Style

by DragonWarbler



Category: One Direction (Band), Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: Abuse of Authority, And Mentor, Biphobia, Bisexual Niall Horan, Coming Out, Contracts, Established Relationship, Hair Kink, Harry Potter References, Harry is a Good Friend, Instagram, M/M, Niall has a thing for Shawn's hair, Public Relations, Song Lyrics, it's cute
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25812337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonWarbler/pseuds/DragonWarbler
Summary: Shawn and Niall have been together for a few months when they decide to officially come out and show the world that they are a couple. Niall’s management throws a spanner in the works for the boys though as they are less than happy about it and will do everything in their power to stop them. There is a contract that Niall can’t breach without major consequences, but there is a loophole and a way for them to come out without breaching the contract in the process. He and Shawn enlist Harry to help them come out in a way that will make everyone happy, even Niall’s fuckwitted team.
Relationships: Niall Horan/Shawn Mendes
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	1. The Contract

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall has arranged a meeting with his label and PR team. It doesn't go as he had envisioned.

* * *

**Part One: The Plan**

**  
Chapter 1: The Contract**

Niall _hated_ meetings, they were so tedious. He had been the one to organise this one and even then, he was dreading sitting in that stuffed conference room with businessmen and women, sitting in their pressed clothes with tight-lipped smiles, all around him. It wasn’t as much a meeting as him informing them of his and Shawn's decision though so hopefully everything would be smooth sailing and over before he got bored out of his mind.

He hated that he had to do this in the first place. His management team and label had nothing to do with his personal life and still he knew if he didn’t keep them in the loop and gave them a heads up, they would cut him off at the ankles. He much preferred just having a small informational meeting than having them summon him for emergency meetings where he would be reprimanded like a little child. Niall rolled his eyes, they would probably make this a much bigger deal than it actually was.

He nodded to the receptionist in the lobby as he made his way over to the elevators. As the doors opened, he was relieved that it was a big one as he didn’t feel like being cramped in a small elevator all on his own, he already felt a little on edge and didn’t need anything else to add to it.

It would be fine, he told himself. He was a little nervous but excited all the same. He and Shawn had been together for a few months now and they had decided it was time to make it official. Niall was a pretty private lad, as much as anyone in the industry could be anyway, he was never one to hide or pretend though.

If it had been up to Shawn and Niall, they wouldn’t make an announcement but rather just let it happen naturally, having a tableau catch them out together maybe holding hands. Or something as simple as posting a picture of them together on Instagram. He knew it would become big news, but he would have rather their actions speak for themselves. It was easy enough to make things obvious without having to make a big announcement.

He was unsure if their plan of action would go over well with the people he was meeting with today though. They would probably try to argue with him and make his life a whole lot harder. He sighed as he continued upwards. He told himself their opinions didn’t really matter, it was his life dammit and he didn’t even have to tell them in the first place. He knew it was the wise thing to do though so here he was.

As he made his way out of the elevator and down the hall, he felt determination settle in his stomach. He was going to make it clear to them that they didn’t have an ounce of weight in this decision and that the decision had already been made.

He knocked on the door before he entered. He felt nerves prickle as he was met with ten pairs of eyes. It seemed him arranging a meeting was so rare they thought every last person on his team should be present for it. Niall let out a breath and made his way to the closest vacant chair. It seemed he had been the last to arrive even if he was five minutes early.

A middle-aged man Niall didn’t recognise looked over at him and smiled “so now that we’re all here, what is it you wanted to talk about Niall?” Niall swallowed and slumped further down in his chair. It was weird how he loved being on stage and performing in front of thousands of people and yet being the center of attention like this and looked at by a bunch of office people made him feel uncomfortable. He hated when people stared, he shifted in his seat.

“Well, ya all know me and Shawn are together” he saw nods around the table. He had been upfront with his team about him being bisexual from the beginning and when he and Shawn had started dating, they had been one of the firsts to know. He was glad for that right now as it made things easier not having to make than confession. They already knew that secret and were fine with it so this really shouldn’t be that big of a deal.

When he came out, they had even asked if he wanted to make an announcement as being bi was apparently woke these days. According to them, it was something that was now seen as being cool and something that would make him stand out from other boys like him. They saw his sexuality as a way to gain more popularity and potentially being beneficial to his career and indirectly beneficial to them by extension.

Niall being as private as he was hadn’t wanted that, it wasn’t like people announced that they were straight so why should he have to announce that he was bi. It was different now as he was in a serious relationship with another man. He and Shawn were so in love that it felt like they had to confess and make it known. The notion of using his sexuality as a way to gain more fans was ridiculous to him, he wanted people to listen to his music because they liked the music and not because of who he dated.

“You want a beard to not make things more suspicious?” someone asked, and Niall just frowned in confusion, a what. How would he growing a beard do anything other than make him look like a bear cub? “Yeah, we can definitely help with that, what do you think about Hailee Steinfeld?” someone on the other side of the table asked and the first one nodded. “That’s perfect, I’ve even heard that Hailey Baldwin is free at the moment so they could both have a Hayley of their own” several of the people around the table laughed.

Niall’s frown deepened as he suddenly understood what they were insinuating. Not an actual beard, but a beard as in that they wanted him and Shawn to pretend to date those girls and have fake relationships with them just to not draw attention to their own and very real relationship. He felt nauseated, who would do something like that, it wasn’t fair to either them or those girls.

“What, no… absolutely not” he said with indignation before taking a deep breath “we want to let people _know_ we’re together not the other way around” the laughter stopped, and all eyes were on him yet again. He squirmed in his seat. These people really made him feel uneasy, he swallowed and gulped loudly.

Several people around the table shook their heads “you want to come out as a couple?” Niall nodded and sighed as they were finally on the same page. They kept staring at him and then a middle-aged woman spoke up “I’m afraid you can’t do that Niall” she didn’t seem phased by having to tell him in no uncertain terms they would fight this decision tooth and nail “we won’t allow it.”

Niall just blinked and then he laughed, they wouldn’t _allow_ it. It was as if they thought they actually could make him change his mind. It was as if they thought they could dictate his life and that he would just let them make all the decisions for him. He wasn’t a puppet they could control and make do as they pleased. He was astonished that they seemed to think they had that kind of power over him.

If it had been something concerning his career, they would have had some say but this was a personal matter. “Ya can’t stop me” he countered with to make it clear to them that he was serious and that they couldn’t just tell him not to and expect him to do as they wanted.

The woman nodded sagely, as if she knew something Niall was yet not aware of himself. “You’re right of course, we can’t _make_ you do anything but if you do breach the contract we can sue you and it will cost you greatly” Niall shook his head to clear it because what was she even talking about. He could swear on his left arm that he had never signed a contract that would make it possible for them to say he couldn’t come out without breaching it.

He had never been much for reading legal documents and looking at the text written in fine print before signing but he did have a legal team who always looked through it before he himself looked at it. He was sure he’d never signed anything mentioning him having to sneak around and keeping his sexuality a secret. He couldn’t even recall signing a contract that mentioned either relationships or sexuality at all.

“What contract, I haven’t signed anything like what you’re implying,” he said confidently even if the looks on the faces of the people around him told him otherwise. He felt his stomach twist and he wished he’d brought Shawn with him to this blasted meeting as he would have been able to keep him calm and grounded. He could feel his patience drain and he knew if they kept being difficult, he would snap at some point.

“Marcus, would you be so kind to read part five §3 ¶2 of Niall’s original contract when he signed with the label,” the woman said patiently and a young man with glasses and pimples all over his face started to frantically riffle through a bunch of papers spread out on the table in front of him. Niall felt sorry for the lad who couldn’t be much older than Shawn, he was probably an intern. Niall shuddered at the thought of being stuck in meetings like this one for weeks on end.

It took a minute, but Marcus seemed to finally locate the sheet of paper he’d been looking for “um okay, it says” Niall took in a breath because he wasn’t sure what the lad was about to say. His original contract from when he signed with the label, that was years ago, a lot of things had happened since then. He wasn’t so certain anymore that he hadn’t signed something he really shouldn’t have. 

“The artist may under no circumstances deliberately do or act in a way that will harm his or her career or reputation on such a scale that it will reflect badly on the company at large” he looked up and over at Niall apologetically before continuing a bit more subdued “this includes private and personal matters which public relations find inappropriate and a potential hazard. Risk behavior will not be accepted. If breached the company has the right to seek legal action.”

Niall did remember reading that and signing it without a care in the world when he was just a teenager. He’d even laughed at that paragraph thinking he’d never be at risk of doing something that could warrant that clause to be needed in the first place, he didn’t even smoke for fucks sake. He’d never thought they would use it like this. He’d never imagined they would be so heartless to use it against someone in an attempt to suppress their sexuality. To use it to keep someone in their place and right where they wanted them. Right where they wanted him.

Niall just stared. Just this morning he’d thought he’d be able to come out and now he was told if he did, they would take legal action against him. He felt anger prickle under his skin, who were these people to say that his relationship was a potential hazard that would ruin his career. Fuck his stupid image and fuck what people would think.

He knew he couldn’t just storm out and do what he wanted though, even with how he was now between a rock and a hard place he knew if they did want to, they could probably ruin him. He shuddered thinking about worst-case scenario, he could imagine having to go to court and he honestly wasn’t sure if he was up for that.

He focused on how fucked up this was and decided he should plead with reason. “My relationship with Shawn is not hazardous to you” he almost spat out, so much for trying to be reasonable, he was too angry for that. He looked the woman with greying hair in the eyes “us wanting to come out is _not_ a risky behaviour.”

She shrugged “agree to disagree, it could make you lose fans and that would lose you and _us_ income” Niall looked at her as if she had grown another head. Income, it was all about money to these people. He was not a person to them, he was a chess piece to move around the board. He was not more to them than an investment to place where they predicted he would generate the most profit. He felt sick to his stomach.

He tried a different tactic. If they thought, he had a case against them maybe they would be more cooperative. “This is discrimination, I could report you for this” he saw a few of the people in the room start to look nervous and he cheered inwardly.

“We’re not doing this simply because you’re in a same sex relationship” a man shook his head in denial and Niall wanted to scream at how indifferent he looked, it was almost as if the whole ordeal was boring him. “We would use the same clause in your contract if you were dating a stripper or someone in the adult film industry, had an affair with a married woman…” he trailed off and shrugged as if to say there were a lot more he could have added but wouldn’t bother since he had made his point.

Niall stood and paced the room. He wanted to charge the man, he had just all but compared Shawn to a stripper, porn star, and a cheater. It was beyond infuriating and wrong, but he knew attacking these arseholes wouldn’t make him get the upper hand in this situation. He had to keep it in and be smart about this. There had to be a way to be able to do what he wanted without them breathing down his neck. There had to be a loophole.

He thought back to how they had been all for him being bi and how they had even encouraged him to come out. “You were all okay with me being bi, what’s changed?” he didn’t understand, he needed to know what they were thinking to be able to play and beat them at their own mind games.

A younger bird answered this time “being bi is more than fine, it’s in this season” Niall didn’t believe his ears as she was talking about his sexuality as if it was a fleeting thing, similar to the latest fashion trend or the newest car model on the market. There would always come something newer, better, and shinier after this and it would become the next big thing. Your sexuality wasn’t something that would change like the seasons though, being bisexual was a part of who Niall was and it was who he was always going to be. It was permanent damn it.

“You being bi has never been a problem, you being tied down to a man though…” so what they were saying was that it wasn’t a problem _until_ he acted on his attraction to men. Niall again felt the rage bubbling under the surface of his skin. “You still have a lot of young girls as a fanbase and they hold onto the hope that you could one day be interested in them, you being bi means you could still choose them” Niall almost drew blood as his fingernails dug into his palm.

This bint was actually trying to say he could choose who he fell in love with. As if he should ignore the same-sex attraction just because he was also attracted to girls. It was fine, great even that he was attracted to guys as well as long as he only dated girls. This nightmare was only getting worse and Niall had no idea how he could make himself wake up from it.

“Ya ignorant little “he took a deep breath to try and calm himself “how is me being with Shawn any different from me being with a woman? If me and Shawn’s relationship ended, I could be dating a girl next” not that he thought he and Shawn would break up, ever.

The older woman interrupted the girl who was about to speak again. “Mr. Horan, Mandy was just trying to explain how the girls won’t see it like that” Niall wanted to snap back that it wasn’t the fans that wouldn’t understand but the stupid people in this very room. He could see the warning in her eyes though and refrained from commenting.

Instead, he fired away another question “you’d be okay with Harry being with a bloke though so why not me?” he knew they had been all for Harry going out with whoever he wanted so he didn’t understand why they had such a big problem with him doing the same.

“He’s different, he has already one foot out the closet door and everyone expect it to happen at one point” the man who spoke then nodded at Niall. “You on the other hand are too straight, no one suspects a thing and it will be a big blow to everything we’ve built if you came out with having a boyfriend out of the blue” Niall shook his head in disbelieve. Too straight. “Even if you come out as bi people will still see you as a woman’s man and expect you to be with a woman. You don’t have a gay vibe about you while Harry does.”

“What you’re saying is that it would be okay if I was more obviously _not straight_ ” their logic was hurting his brain. The man nodded in agreement.

The older woman looked at her watch “we’re getting nowhere, I think the matter is settled” Niall had gotten an idea though, he just needed an hour or two to make it happen. He would indeed play their game and win. “Not so fast… this isn’t over” he glared at everyone around the room “I’ll see you after lunch” he said it politely but then he turned around walked out of the room and slammed the door hard behind himself. It was satisfying to finally get out some of the frustration that had been building all through the meeting.

He almost laughed at himself as he remembered thinking this meeting would be over fast, they had been talking in there for almost two hours and had made little to no progress at all. At least he wasn’t bored though, no he was angry, he was energised as he had adrenaline pumping through his veins. His morning had gone a lot different than what he had envisioned. The morons in there had won round one but Niall was going to knock them dead in round two.

He was a little nervous about what Shawn would say as he knew his boyfriend had looked forward to being able to come out. He hoped he would be patient and wait for Niall, but he would understand if Shawn wouldn’t want to. The thought made his heart clench painfully in his chest.

He had a few phone calls to make, he had a smidge of hope to turn this around and show his fuckwit of a team who was the one directing this show. Unbeknownst to the people in that room their behaviour had lit a fire inside of Niall, he was ready to fight. No one tried to manipulate and dictate his life and got away with it. They would learn the hard way that you didn’t fuck with one Niall James Horan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, all of you beautiful people (:
> 
> I'm back with another Shiall story! This is something I've thought about writing for a while and I hope you will like it.  
> It's quite different from LIaC and will not really follow a canon timeline even though canon things will be mentioned here and there.  
> Hope everyone is well and safe.  
> Much love 🖤🤎❤️🧡💛💚💙💜


	2. No One Knows Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiall talk on the phone about what happened in the meeting.

**Chapter 2: No One Knows Us**

Shawn was nervously awaiting Niall to contact him, he looked at his phone and saw that it was _hours_ now since Niall’s meeting had started. It really shouldn’t have taken that long for his boyfriend to tell his team that they would be coming out publicly. What could have happened to make the meeting drag out like this?

He was contemplating if he should just call Niall himself as his patience was starting to run low, he decided against it though because there was a possibility for Niall to still be stuck in the meeting and he really didn’t want to call and disturb him like that.

He cursed himself silently, Niall had asked if he wanted to tag along that morning. Now he really wished that he had accompanied him, then he would have known what was going on. Instead, here he was, stuck by himself with only his traitorous mind as company. If it really was going badly and Niall needed moral support Shawn should have been there for him but no, he’d just left him to his own devices.

Shawn grimaced because he knew Niall could be a bit hot-headed when being wronged and he just hoped that they hadn’t given his boyfriend any reason to lash out if they weren’t enthusiastic about what he had told them. Shawn most often could calm him down and be the voice of reason when Niall got worked up, he was able to ground Niall and keep him more level-headed. Damn, he really should have been there. To his defense, Shawn had reasoned that it was Niall’s team and label, even if he was a part of it, so it was Niall’s news to tell. He’d also thought that it would be over quickly just like when he had told his own team.

They had all been supportive and had wanted to help them to do it on their own terms. They would be there to help them in any way they could, but they gave him and Niall free reins on how, where, and when it would happen. Shawn always thought he was so lucky as he had people around him that always had his best interest at heart and would back him in any given situation. He knew Niall didn’t have the same kind of backing, but he hadn’t been overly concerned as he knew they didn’t have a problem with Niall’s sexuality. That fact alone had made him feel secure in that this wouldn’t be that big of a deal either.

Now though he was starting to get a little uncertain and worried. He knew he sometimes thought the best of people even when they didn’t always deserve the benefit of a doubt and Niall could be a bit naïve as well. It was a possibility that they had both been a little too optimistic after all.

He sighed, he had already been to the gym and then he’d tried to work on some music to calm his nerves. He had soon realized it wouldn’t work as he was too distracted to concentrate on anything that wasn’t about what was going on with Niall. It was never a good idea for him to get stuck in his head for a long period of time as he’d just start to make up worst-case scenarios. Even if he knew that Niall had probably just forgotten to call him and that he would soon call just to tell him everything had gone without a hitch he couldn’t help but think _what if_ that wasn’t the case.

He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath, he was an awful boyfriend. He had to show Niall that he’d always be there for him if needed and that he wouldn’t just let him fight his own battles. He suddenly knew what he had to do, he smiled knowing that Niall would appreciate it and that it would also be a good way to put his own mind at ease. Determinedly he made his way into the entrance hall where he got his boots from the shoe rack and his jacket from the hanger just inside the door. He didn’t even put his jacket on in his hurry to just get going. It was late April, so a jacket was maybe not even necessary but it was always better to be safe than sorry.

As he made his way out onto the street and started to make his way into the city and the office building where Niall’s record label was located, he started thinking of how surreal his life had become. It had been several months now, but he still sometimes felt a bit amazed that it all had even happened in the first place. That he had a boyfriend and that said boyfriend was none other than Niall Horan. It was something he’d wanted for a long time but never actually thought would ever happen.

Shawn had had a crush on Niall for over a year before they had even spoken to each other and he had been more than happy when they had become friends even if he’d always secretly hoped that they could be something more. He had thought that Niall was straight and had therefore never actually tried to make a move as he hadn’t wanted to make Niall feel uncomfortable. He’d thought his crush could never become something more than a distant fantasy to entertain when alone at night. He had never been happier about being wrong about something in his entire life.

It had all changed that one night when they had been out drinking and Niall had gotten a little tipsy. Niall had started to ramble about how much he loved Shawn’s hair and how thick and luscious his curls were, he’d gone on to tell Shawn how he’d always wished to run his fingers through his lush waves. Shawn had of course allowed him to do just that and as they say, the rest is history.

Shawn smiled to himself as he made his way along the crowded street, lunch hour in London was always hectic. Laying in Niall’s lap and having his boyfriend run his fingers through his hair was one of Shawn’s favourite pastimes, he just loved how relaxed it made him feel and how content it seemed to make Niall while they were just spending some quiet time together. It was one of those small things they shared, which Shawn wouldn’t exchange for the world.

He was just a few blocks away when his phone rang with an incoming call. He looked at his display and sighed in relief as he saw “Nialler❤️” flash on his screen. _Finally_. He hoped that he’d just been overreacting and a bit paranoid but at least now he would be there for Niall soon if everything wasn’t all right. If it turned out that he had indeed just forgotten to call or text Shawn sooner well, then they could just meet up for lunch or something.

Shawn made his way to a little more secluded area of the busy street and leaned against the wall before he accepted the call from his boyfriend.

*****SHIALL*****

After slamming the door and exciting the room Niall looked around for a place where he could hide away to get some privacy. He contemplated going to the bathroom or finding a supply closet to hide in, but he decided against doing either.

The loo was good until it wasn’t as it could be empty one minute and then the next anyone and his father could have joined you. The supply closet would have been a good option if it wasn’t for the fact that hiding in an actual closet today just felt like the worst case of irony to Niall. He just couldn’t make himself do it as it would feel too literal and would probably end up rubbing salt in the fresh wound of the reality that he and Shawn were being forced to stay in the proverbial closet.

He could feel anger rise inside him again and he clenched his hands into fists at his sides. He really needed to talk to Shawn to make himself be more grounded and to be able to see the situation more clearly. He reminded himself that he had to keep calm and try not to make things even worse by making rash decisions. He just hoped Shawn wouldn’t take this too badly as he didn’t know what he would do if that happened, Niall would at the very least more than likely lose the little cool he’d been able to retain throughout the meeting, he really needed Shawn to understand and support him while he tried to weasel his way out of this contract situation.

He ended up going to the end of the hallway and taking a right turn to where he luckily found a slightly ajar door leading to a small conference room. As it was lunchtime most spaces were empty, Niall was certain he could talk in there without being interrupted especially since this room was furthest away from the elevators and reception area.

He took a seat on one of the chairs around the table and took out his phone, he scrolled down until he found “Shawnie🥰💌” in his contacts. Niall sighed, only one way to know if Shawn would be okay with waiting on Niall to straighten this mess out, or if he’d decide it would be better for him to come out on his own, without Niall. He would understand if that was the case but just the thought of it made Niall’s insides want to turn themselves inside out, to put it in perspective it hurt _a whole lot more_ than the blatant discrimination and disrespectful behaviour his own team had shown him earlier that day.

It took maybe half a minute before Shawn picked up the call. There was some background noise, but Niall didn’t pay it much mind as Shawn was probably just out running some errands. Shawn greeted him happily although a little hesitantly “hi, babe” Niall smiled at the casual use of the endearment. He tried to sound unbothered as he greeted Shawn in return “hey, love” he grimaced, unbothered his arse more like disheartened and cumbersome. He’d sounded subdued to his own ears as if he had just endured the longest morning of his life. He kind of had though, it was at least up there on his top five when it came to shitty mornings.

Niall felt how pent up energy whooshed out of him from just hearing Shawn’s voice. He hadn’t even known how much he’d needed to just talk to Shawn, his lover really made everything more bearable even in situations like this. He could feel his anger dim a little and the tension in his back lessened a fraction. Now he just felt bone dead tired instead. It had been a very long morning and he’d been going on adrenaline and been high strung on intense emotions for the better part of the last few hours which had taken a toll on him.

“Niall, what’s wrong? Did the meeting not go well? Niall couldn’t help but smile and feel better just by Shawn knowing something was wrong just by how he’d sounded while greeting him. Shawn really knew him that well and it warmed his heart how easy they could read each other these days. Sometimes Niall thought that Shawn even knew him better than he knew himself.

Niall let out a humourless laugh “yeah, ya could say that again.” Shawn hummed in sympathy knowing Niall would want to tell him without being interrupted. “It’s a shitstorm love. I’m really sorry, but we can’t come out. At least not right now” he hated saying that as he knew that Shawn would be really disappointed. He was disappointed too of course but even more so, he felt disrespected and pushed around. Shawn would just feel dejected and as if he was being repressed, Niall hated that he was the reason for that, he hated to be the one disappointing Shawn having him feel like he couldn’t do or be who he wanted.

Niall swallowed before continuing as he knew Shawn deserved a better explanation, “apparently, our coming out is a potential hazard and can damage my career and in association the label” he all but huffed out. It was sounding even more bizarre having to retell the story to someone else “so we’re not _allowed_ to come out.”

Niall paused and Shawn seemed to see that as a cue to say something which Niall was grateful for as what he had to say next was even harder to get out. “Seriously, they really said that!” Shawn sounded indignant and Niall understood wholeheartedly, he hadn’t even gotten to the most sordid parts of his tale yet though.

“Yeah, and it gets even better” he said sarcastically. “I want to just say _fuck it_ and have us come out anyway, but then I would breach this bloody contract that I foolishly signed when I was a fucking teenager,” he said feeling disgusted with himself. There it was, in a way this whole situation was all his damn fault. He felt a lump of shame and regret form in his throat, how could he have been that stupid?

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry they are doing this to you. It’s not your fault, you’re being used.” Niall swallowed, Shawn could tell he was berating himself and even if he was beating himself down, he knew Shawn was right, hearing him try to reassure him did make him feel slightly better about himself.

Shawn seemed to sense that he still had some self-hatred simmering though as he prompted “Niall, promise me that you won’t blame yourself” Niall nodded even if Shawn couldn’t see it “this is _not_ your fault.” Shawn repeated and Niall did believe him, that clause really wasn’t meant to be used like this.

Those bastards were abusing their position of power to gain control and influence, they were poking their noses in other people’s business just because they could. “Yeah, I know all right. They’re grade-A arseholes” his statement made Shawn let out a genuine laugh and Niall smiled in satisfaction and relief at being able to make Shawn feel better. Shawn’s laugh in turn made his sombre mood brighten even if only for a few seconds.

Niall didn’t want to ask but he knew he needed to. Shawn had yet to say anything about what he was feeling or thinking about everything that was going on. He had been supportive and there for Niall, saying all the right things, this wasn’t just affecting Niall though. This affected Shawn just as much as him. He really couldn’t expect Shawn to just take it all in stride and not want something different than what Niall could provide for him at the moment.

“They’re not just doing this to me though… they’re doing it to us, I’m so fucking sorry Shawn” he bit his lip and closed his eyes. Shawn was quiet and Niall swallowed “I understand if ya… If you can’t wait and want to come out on your own.”

Shawn made a distressed sound “man, I’d never do that” and Niall let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “I love you, and I’m doing this with you or not at all. We’re doing this together yeah” Niall smiled because yes, they really were. Shawn would sacrifice a lot for Niall just like he would have done the same if the roles had been reversed.

He still needed Shawn to voice the thoughts and emotions running through him at the moment though, because he knew Shawn didn’t do well if he repressed his feelings. Even if it would be hard to hear how this made Shawn feel it would be better to get it out now than to let those feelings fester and grow until it consumed Shawn and left him feeling depressed and unsteady. He could be Shawn’s sounding board and maybe even help ease his mind a little.

“Shawn love, are you okay though? How are ya feeling about all this?” Niall suddenly berated himself for doing this now, over the phone. He should have waited until they could hold each other and be there for each other physically as well.

Shawn was silent for a few seconds “I’m sad, I mean you know…” Niall looked down at the table and blinked because yeah, he did know. They had talked and planned for when they were going to be out and now, they didn’t even know how or when that would even be possible anymore.

“I wish that I could just kiss you whenever I wanted, you know without any fear and all this drama” Shawn started and Niall knew exactly what he meant and it hurt physically how much that dream felt so much further away than it had just that morning, almost unreachable. “I’d kill to just be able to hold your hand in public, yeah” Niall made a sound of agreement, it was such a simple thing, but it was important all the same and something they both wanted so damn much.

Niall suddenly felt an urge to just leave everything behind and have him and Shawn just disappear somewhere together, just the two of them somewhere where no one knew them, and they could just be open without any consequences. “Wish we could just leave our fucked-up world behind and go somewhere where no one knows us.”

To Niall’s surprise Shawn laughed at that “I wish that too, I do man…but we’d probably have to go to Mars for no one to know about us” Niall laughed too because that was most likely true. He really hated being famous sometimes.

The worst part was that yeah people knew _about_ them, but no one really knew them except their friends and family. Niall had always liked it that way, being able to keep his privacy and having the public know just some parts of him and leave the rest for people close to him. This was different though, now he wanted them to know him on a more personal level. He wanted to tell them who he loved but he wasn’t allowed to share this part of him. His team wished for people to just know about him and see the Niall they thought they knew but wasn’t actually real. He wanted them to see and know the real him for the first time.

So really it was ironic how people all around the world knew about them but almost no one knew them. Niall thought it was a little sad, to be honest. He would never share every aspect of his life with the world, but he wanted them to know and see the big picture and know who he was deep down inside.

“I don’t like it, but I’ll accept it for now. We’ll fight your team though yeah, maybe we can change their minds” Niall shook his head as he realised that he hadn’t told Shawn about the rest and how he already had a tentative plan.

“Oh, about that. According to those eejits I’m not gay enough and that’s why it would be so harmful for us to go public” Shawn laughed, and Niall recognised it as a laugh out of bewilderment. “That’s… Niall, you aren’t even gay” Niall laughed too because yeah, it was all so stupid. “I know, it ridiculous but it also gave me an idea.”

He really hoped Harry would be okay with helping them because he wasn’t sure he would be able to pull it off without his help. “For them to think it’s harmless for us to come out, I’ll just start acting a bit gayer” Shawn actually giggled in response, Niall just shook his head and decided that he wasn’t even going to ask.

Maybe it was a bit weird, but it was the only way he could think of to go around the contract, he’d just have to make it work. If that’s what it would take to be able to be with Shawn unconditionally, he’d embrace his more stereotypically gay and feminine sides, he’d do that and more. He’d do almost anything for Shawn. 

“I’ll be showing me more flamboyant side and we’ll start to be seen more together in public but without being too obvious ya know.” Niall thought it could actually be okay, they could be close just not undeniably together. That way when they finally did come out no one would really be surprised at all. It was a good plan and with the right guidance, it could maybe even become a fun experience.

Niall could even hear Shawn smile through the phone “this could actually turn out to be fun babe.” Shawn suddenly sounded flirtatious with a teasing tilt to his voice “you know maybe you’ll even try something you never thought you’d like” Niall shook his head laughing. He thought of all the possibilities and how most of them were stuff he’d never even considered before now. He wasn’t sure he wanted to try them, but he wasn’t entirely sure he didn’t either.

“I’ll help, even if I’m not that flamboyant myself” Niall hadn’t even known that Shawn was gay before he accidentally hit on him while drunk. Niall was a bit oblivious when it came to things like that though, he didn’t have much of a gaydar.

That was the problem though, the people of his team just saw the labels and stereotypes. Niall knew that there were gay people in all shapes and colours. You didn’t have to be a certain way to be gay or in a same-sex relationship. Just because he was attracted lads, as well as birds, didn’t make him any different from a straight bloke except for who he may fall in love with. Straight guys were all different from each other so why did some people think all gay guys were the same.

Then there was the fact that some people didn’t understand that just because Niall was dating a guy right now, he was still bisexual. He would always be bi, who he was dating at the moment didn’t change that. He didn’t go between being gay and straight, he was always just bi. It sometimes felt as if his sexuality wasn’t valid to people and that really hurt.

He shook his head to clear it “that’s okay love, I’m actually about to call Harry to see if he’ll want to help” if anyone could make them gayer it would be Harry as he had a bit of a genderfluid side to him and apparently gave out a gay vibe. He would definitely be able to help them with becoming a bit more feminine.

“That’s a great idea” Niall was happy Shawn seemed to like his plan and wasn’t entirely crushed about their coming out being postponed. “Have you eaten lunch yet?” Shawn changed the subject abruptly and Niall realised how hungry he was. It had already been over half an hour since lunch started and he still had to call Harry.

He groaned because now he really wanted something to eat. “Nah, and I have to call Harry now. I’ll probably buy something from the vending machine down the hall after that though, before we’ll continue this blasted meeting” Niall really hoped the vending machine was one of those that had sandwiches and not one that only had snacks and soda.

“Okay babe, I love you and see you soon” Niall smiled because Shawn always took care of him even if it was just by reminding him to get something to eat. “Love you too, see you tonight,” he said and hung up the phone. He couldn’t help but smile as he was feeling so much better now compared to before he had talked to Shawn.

Now he just had to get Harry to agree to help them and everything would turn out all right after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, all you beautiful creatures 💗
> 
> The chapter title and parts of the conversation in this chapter were inspired by BANNERS song "No One Knows Us" which I listened to on repeat while writing.  
> I definitely recommend looking it up (: 
> 
> Hope everyone is well. Keep on loving openly and look beyond norms and stereotypes 💕


	3. Fine Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn meets Marcus, who wants to help. Shawn surprises Niall.

**Chapter 3: Fine Line**

As it was already close to one in the afternoon the queue, at the café Shawn had stopped at, was not that long and he only had to wait for a couple of minutes before it was his turn to order. He knew that Niall would probably still be on the phone with Harry, catching up and in the process forgetting the time, he’d most likely be on the phone until he wouldn’t even have time to get something from that vending machine he’d mentioned.

Shawn was happy that he’d be able to do this for Niall, he loved to be able to surprise his boyfriend and he knew Niall really needed this today. Niall really needed _him_ today and Shawn would do everything in his power to always be there for him. He’d be by Niall’s side every step of the way and always try to make it easier on the other man.

Niall deserved an attentive partner. Someone who showed him how much they cared, by doing small gestures like bringing him lunch and just showing up and giving him support, someone that would always be there when Niall needed them. He deserved a partner that would be there even when he didn’t even know he needed someone. Shawn was determined to be that someone for him. Shawn would be Niall’s someone, his person. Everyone had a person and Niall was Shawn’s and Shawn was Niall’s.

He sighed, Shawn knew that this situation wouldn’t be an easy one to handle. They would have to tread incredibly gently, they would have to walk a very fine line. A fine line between being too obvious and not obvious enough. They would have to be discreet but not so discreet that no one caught on that there was something they weren’t saying aloud, only hinting at. They would have to be very close to that line but at the same time very careful to not unintentionally cross over it.

Shawn had been ready for a while now. Ready to swing his closet door off its hinges, leave it wide open behind him as he walked away to never look back. Now they would have to only ease it open, one centimeter at a time. He was frustrated by it, but more than anything else he was angry on Niall’s behalf. Those people had no right to do this, to exploit someone that they were supposed to help and guide when it came to dealing with the public and working within the music industry at large.

You couldn’t put a price on emotion or love, but these people thought Niall’s happiness was worth less than the money he could put in their pockets. They valued money over happiness and acted like Niall was a priced possession they could do whatever they wanted with. They were handling this situation without heart, being both greedy and deceitful. What infuriated him the most though was that they were doing this to someone as genuine and wholeheartedly good as Niall. Niall who had such a big heart and who had never done anything to deserve being treated like this. It was driving Shawn up the walls that they had so little regard for the human being, the person behind the name. They had so little respect for Niall as an individual.

He had been honest though when telling Niall that coming out like this, even if being forced to do so, could actually turn out to be fun. To have to censor themselves would be a big drawback but getting to be more involved and show interest in the LGBTQ community would most likely turn out to be a great experience. Becoming more connected to his gay peers was something he had thought about for a while anyway, he had just never gotten to actually doing something about it. This was a great opportunity and excuse to finally start to really explore a part of himself he had never truly indulged in before.

Shawn was also looking forward to doing this together with Niall. He was positive that this would give them a reason to try things that they would have never even considered trying otherwise. Maybe try things both for the public and for themselves, both inside and outside of the bedroom.

He was more than ready to let go of all those pre-existing notions and erase all pre-established labels people often used to define him by. He was ready to just go for it and find a new, freer and sure of himself Shawn Mendes. He was ready to challenge boundaries he hadn’t even known had been in existence. He was sure that both he and Niall would be surprised when becoming aware of things that they found enjoyable but had never let themselves explore before.

Shawn had from an early age gone with the flow and fallen in line with the unwritten rules and standards set for your typical boy and later man. It was easy to just do what you thought you were supposed to without ever even reflecting if it was what _you_ actually wanted or even liked to do. It was easier to do and act in ways that others expected of you than to challenge the norms of society.

Shawn was excited to finally break away from the mould he had found himself fitting into. Now when he had fallen in love and he was sure it was for real, he wanted to be free and walk out that door as a new and improved him. It was overdue for him to finally break free and find parts of himself he’d never even looked for or known had been out there for him to find.

He was gay and for the first time, he would let himself actually act like it. He would let himself express that part of him. Them having to act gayer to be able to prepare the public would provide Shawn with an opportunity to find and become the version of himself that he’d always been meant to be.

He was being handed a brown paper bag with two wrapped sandwiches inside as well as two smoothies. Shawn thanked the barista with a nod and a smile before he exited the café and continued on his way down the street to the building where Niall was holding his meeting.

He smiled mischievously as he thought about how they would make those dickheads eat their own words and get in line, they would have to let them come out sooner or later. With Harry’s help, it would probably not take that long before people started to suspect. They would _know,_ but without really knowing as nothing would be confirmed for sure. Harry knew how to stay on the right side of their fine line until it was safe to take that leap and join the dark side.

As Shawn went into the, in which Niall’s label was located, he thought about how lucky he was going to be having Harry as a mentor. Harry mentoring them would be a privilege. Harry was one of the kindest and most considerate souls that Shawn had ever had the pleasure to meet. He was always himself to 110 % and encouraged others to embrace who they were and to show their true colours as well. Harry had already broken free, he was the perfect person to help him and Niall to do the same.

He balanced the mug holder with the two smoothies and the bag with the sandwiches carefully in one hand as he made his way through the lobby and towards the lifts. It was then that he realised that he didn’t even know what floor Niall would be on. He cursed himself silently for not having better foresight, he pressed the button with a downward arrow to summon a lift, nonetheless. Niall’s meeting was probably held high up in the building Shawn reasoned. Niall was one of the labels more high-profile artists and buildings like this tended to be more lavish and prioritised the higher up you went.

It pinged and the lift doors opened, but the lift cart wasn’t empty. A young nerdy looking guy with glasses, wearing a stiff-looking suit was standing there typing away at his phone. Shawn smiled encouragingly at the guy, whose eyes widened almost comically behind his thick wire-framed glasses as he looked up from his phone and saw Shawn standing there.

“Oh, Mr. Mendes. Are you here for the meeting?” Shawn blinked and smiled as it seemed that this guy would maybe be able to help him locate Niall. If it was Niall’s meeting he was indeed referring to, that was. It had to be though Shawn concluded as he didn’t have any other reason for being there after all.

Shawn nodded his head in confirmation. “Yes. You wouldn’t happen to know which floor it’s being held at Mr.…?” he inquired still smiling hoping to put the other guy at ease as he looked a little skittish.

It seemed to work as the guy relaxed and smiled back a little sheepishly, “oh, sorry mate. I’m Marcus and I’m interning for Mrs. Umbricht.” Shawn raised an eyebrow and couldn’t help but chuckle. _Umbricht,_ he couldn’t help but think about a certain _Harry Potter_ character as it was an eerily similar name. He couldn’t help but wonder if this Umbricht had a false sickly-sweet smile and an obsession with pink and kittens as well.

Marcus laughed and nodded looking excited at having someone to gossip with and not having to be so prim and proper all of the time. “I know mate, it’s rather fitting actually as she’s a heartless bitch, to be honest,” his eyes widened in alarm and he shook his head before he bit his lip and looked around to make sure no one had overheard his confession. He lowered his voice “please don’t tell anyone I said that. I can’t lose this internship.”

Shawn smiled reassuringly and crossed his heart to show Marcus that his secret was safe with him. He rather liked Marcus. He was full of energy and seemed to ramble a lot without much of a filter, his enthusiasm and easy nature was contagious and made you instantly feel at ease in his presence. His nerdy demeanor was also rather inviting to Shawn and made him feel like he could be himself and didn’t have to be on guard or use his public persona around him. He could easily see them becoming friends.

Marcus' rambunctiousness suddenly disappeared, his expression changed into a frown full of guilt and regret. “I’m so sorry! I swear mate, I had no idea they would use that contract against him like that, and I _definitely_ don’t agree with it. If there was any way I could help ya, I would” Shawn nodded and smiled to make Marcus understand he didn’t blame him even if he was interning for the enemy.

He clapped the guy on the back “it’s not on you man. If we figure out a way that you can help, we’ll let you know” Marcus nodded his curls jumping a little, his smile back again to Shawn’s relief. It could turn out to be a good thing having a man on their side on the inside, infiltrating the enemy. “Where are you going though, isn’t the meeting starting up again soon?”

Marcus looked at his phone “shit, I’m on a coffee run. Mrs. Um _bitch_ hates it if you’re late” he rushed out making Shawn laugh at the use of the unflattering nickname for his supervisor. “She is the one behind using that contract against Niall?” he asked with a mischievous glint in his eye. Marcus nodded with a grimace. Shawn smirked, “you should spit in her coffee then, she deserves it.”

Shawn really wasn’t one that normally would do something like that, but desperate times called for desperate measures and she really did deserve it. Marcus laughed and nodded in agreement. Shawn couldn’t help but feel a little guilty but at the same time, he knew that Niall would get a good laugh out of it when Shawn told him about it later. Being able to make Niall feel better made being a little bad totally worth it.

Not long after that, they went their separate ways with Marcus hurrying out to get coffee for Niall’s team and Shawn pressing the downwards arrow button again to reopen the doors to the lift. Shawn shook his head with a fond smile, Marcus had talked a mile a minute, but he’d still almost forgotten to tell him which floor the meeting would be on.

As he arrived on the right floor, almost at the top of the building, and stepped out of the lift he couldn’t help but smile as he was just in time to catch Niall come down the corridor towards where he stood. It seemed he had been right, Niall had been on the phone up until now and wouldn’t have had much time to get something to eat.

Shawn’s heart warmed as he saw Niall’s eyes widen and his face change from looking haggard and tired to being split in two by a shit-eating grin taking over his features. It still amazed him how his mere presence could make Niall’s day. Shawn felt exactly the same though, Niall was able to turn something dreary and boring into fun and exciting. Niall was able to get him out of a funk, he was able to stop anxiety to creep up on him and could make him see the light instead of letting the dark take over.

Shawn couldn’t help the big smile taking over his own face creating crinkles by his eyes, Niall was hurrying his steps to get to him faster and it made Shawn feel special and like a thousand bucks. It had definitely been the right decision to make his way over here to surprise his boyfriend. Just seeing Niall’s reaction made it more than worth it.

“Love, what are you doing here?” Niall said confused but happy. He hugged Shawn tight and kissed him on his cheek, “I’m so happy to see ya, you have no idea.”

“I’m happy to see you too and to see that beautiful smile of yours” Shawn answered before he nodded towards the couch in the corner. “You didn’t really think I’d leave you to fight this battle alone, did you? Also, I thought it best if I’d bring you lunch…” Shawn raised an eyebrow and Niall laughed. Shawn could see the gratitude in Niall’s eyes in addition to the mirth at his own expanse, him being there meant more to Niall than he could really convey through words. Shawn knew without him having to utter a single word though. He wanted to be there for him, they were in this together, all the way.

“I love you. Ya know me so well” he kissed Shawn lightly on the lips in thanks for being so thoughtful and knowing what he needed. “Thanks, I’m starving and I lost track of time with Harry” Shawn shook his head but smiled fondly. “I knew you would babe, how did it go with Harry?” he asked as they sat down, he handed Niall one of the smoothies and a sandwich.

Niall nodded, “well, I didn’t really tell him. We got sidetracked,” he laughed self consciously and shrugged a little, smiling abashedly. Shawn frowned because they needed Harry to be able to pull this off. “He’s coming over here now though and he knows we need his help with something. It’s Harry, so of course he’s going to want to help. He’s the biggest lover I know all categories, plus he’s been our biggest supporter from day one.”

Shawn had to laugh and agree with that. Harry had known that they were head over heels for each other before they had even known themselves that they even liked one another. When they finally got their shit together Harry had cheered the loudest. He’d said that he had wanted to tell them so many times but hadn’t wanted to push as it was always better if you let love run its course and happen when it was supposed to. If it was meant to be, love would always find a way and true love would always happen sooner or later as it was written in the stars. It would most often catch you off guard, when you least expected it.

So, Harry had really been there biggest supporter even before they even were a thing. Shawn took a bite of his own sandwich and smiled, if you wanted someone firmly in your corner it would be Harry. Being with Niall he had gained some awesome friends, Harry being one of them.

He looked at Niall and remembered his conversation with Marcus before coming up there in search of his boyfriend. “I met Marcus, nice guy yeah” Niall frowned but then seemed to realise who he was referring too. “Ah the intern, haven’t had the chance to talk to the lad yet but he doesn’t really seem to fit in with those stuck up bastards?” Niall seemed a little hesitant so Shawn was fast to reassure him that Marcus was firmly in their corner and would help them in any way he could.

When Shawn told him about their agreement of spoiling Umbitch’s coffee Shawn had been right about Niall having a good laugh. Niall almost fell off the couch and had tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Shawn grinned in satisfaction at having given Niall this little reprieve from today's trying ordeal. To Shawn being able to simply make Niall feel better was everything, that was why he was here.

“I really like Marcus” Niall stated while still catching his breath. He then looked at Shawn and bit his lip suggestively “I also like how he inspired this bad boy streak in ya, bad boys should be punished” Shawn almost choked on a mouthful of smoothie. Niall laughed but there was definitely something in his eyes that told Shawn that Niall may bring it up again later.

They had just finished their lunch when Marcus arrived back looking flushed, there were only two more minutes until the meeting was about to proceed. Shawn made a thumbs up and Niall nodded at the young man as he hurried past them and into a room.

Shawn looked at Niall and took his hand in his and squeezed it to show that he was there, to show Niall that he wouldn’t have to do this alone anymore from now on. “Are you ready to face those birdbrains again”, Niall laughed at Shawn’s use of insult which was exactly what he’d hoped for.

Niall nodded and they stood up “ready if you are love, we got this yeah.” Shawn nodded “yeah, we got this together.” They headed towards the conference room together hand in hand. They were ready to show those people who thought that they had the upper hand, but the last word had yet to be spoken.

Shawn felt like they could do anything together, they had love and compassion on their side. They had Marcus as an ally and Harry was on his way. Most importantly though they had each other and together they would make it through. They had a bit of a journey ahead of them, but Shawn was sure that in the end, everything would be all right. They would be all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, beautiful people 💗
> 
> I had quite a lot of fun with this chapter, especially making the Umbridge reference xD  
> This chapter is of course named after Harry's sophomore album. There is another song that inspired some of Shawn's inner monologue in this chapter, kudos to you if you can figure it out (;  
> Also, how do you like my original character Marcus??! 
> 
> Until next time. Be there for each other and remember that together we can do anything! 💞


	4. Not Like Harry... Yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second part of the meeting. Shawn and Niall present their plan.

**Chapter 4: Not Like Harry… Yet**

As they entered Niall had a hard time holding in his laughter. The first thing he noticed was the middle-aged woman, Umbricht apparently, who was sitting stiffly at the table looking through a stack of papers and drinking from the coffee Marcus had fetched for her. Niall nudged Shawn and nodded in her direction, Shawn bit his lip and Niall waggled his eyebrows making Shawn shake with silent laughter.

Niall had never thought he would actually feel kind of good, or at least not like total shit, when the meeting commenced anew. Shawn had an effect like that on him though, whenever he was around, he was able to make Niall feel better about himself and any situation he found himself in. He was still pissed and frustrated, but he could see that everything wasn’t lost. They could still take back the control and do things how they wanted to. That they had found a third musketeer to manage mischief with was just an added bonus. He’d love to fuck Umbricht over some more, she deserved to be pranked into next week if you asked him.

Umbricht cleared her throat and everyone in the room took their seats and straightened, waiting on the she-devil to spit out more vicious hate. She was glaring at Shawn and Niall badly wanted to snap at her but bit his tongue to keep the insults back. To blow up in her face and irate her would only make her lash out worse in retaliation. “Mr. Mendes, you have to excuse my bluntness but what are you doing here? I wasn’t aware that this meeting concerned you? I’m afraid Mr. Horan misinformed you as there really isn’t much left to do than to wrap this meeting up.”

So much for feeling sort of good about things, she just had to open her mouth to make Niall want to spit out fire. If you looked close enough there was probably smoke coming out of his ears, that’s how worked up he was becoming. It was only Shawn’s presence that made him able to keep some resemblance of cool.

Niall’s opened his mouth but didn’t know what to say, that didn’t happen often. Excuse her bluntness? She was rude and it was clear that she had no intention to be anything but. What really left him flabbergasted though was how she seemed to think Shawn had no business being there in the first place. Shawn was just as big of a part of the relationship, that they were trying to make them hide by any means necessary, as he was. To say it didn’t concern him, Niall didn’t even have words to express how ridiculous that was.

In a way how she delivered her spite and venom almost made the whole thing even worse. She spoke in such a way that you could easily be fooled. She was rude but polite in her rudeness and tried to layer her insults in such a way it almost seemed to come out of concern rather than animosity. Niall had met people like her before. At first glance you thought they were none threatening but in reality, they were the most harmful and deceitful of them all.

The way she masked her true feelings and intentions with polite and almost friendly incentives also made _you_ look like the bad guy when you lashed out to the veiled insults and agendas. She was the wrench but if Niall succumbed to his temper and said what he truly wanted, he would look like the one being out for blood. He just wanted to defend himself, Shawn and their relationship but he had to bide his time and not go off like a firecracker like he really wanted to.

Niall’s resolve was about to break, he could feel a less than polite retort on its way. It died in his throat however when Shawn put a reassuring hand on his knee under the table. Niall swallowed the remarks he had been about to make and conceded it was probably better that Shawn handled this. His man was more down to earth while he was easily carried away when he became emotional. He was a little too hot-headed for his own good at times.

“Mam, I’m here to support my _boyfriend,_ yeah” he turned and smiled at Niall to show him that he got this. “Not to seem presumptuous or disrespectful or anything but well… I do think it concerns me as it’s my relationship with Niall that you’re discussing. Is it not?”

Umbricht huffed and smiled insincerely “right you are dear, I’ll allow it”, Niall almost laughed in bewilderment at that, because who the hell did she think she was? She had backtracked but still made a comment trying to convey that she had the power, that letting Shawn be there was her decision even if she had probably realised that she didn’t have any good reason to kick Shawn out. She couldn’t decide who would be present, she didn’t have the authority to allow or forbid anyone that wanted to attend this meeting. It was even more laughable as it was Niall’s meeting, so really he could kick her out if he wanted to. He was very tempted to actually, but knew even if it would feel great right in this moment, it would only bring more trouble than it was really worth.

The younger woman, Mandy if Niall remembered correctly, answered even if Umbricht had already conceded defeat. “Well, Shawn this is about Niall and the contract he signed. You can do whatever you want, come out as gay, tell the world you have a boyfriend. Ruin your career for all we care” she said nonchalantly. “Niall and his career are our priority” she looked down at Shawn and Niall wanted to punch that smug look from her face.

These people really believed they were doing him a favour, if they really had prioritised Niall then they would let him be with Shawn, no conditions or ultimatums. No questions asked only support given, like how Shawn’s team had reacted. He was almost sorry for Mandy who had been taught to always see numbers before seeing the heart and people behind the figures.

Niall looked at the table hating to be reminded Shawn had other options, he didn’t have to stay in the closet for him. He could come out whenever he wanted and live openly with whoever he wanted to. Well with whoever he wanted to except for Niall that was. To these people making Shawn hide their relationship and sexuality as well was just collateral damage. If for no other reason than that he would make these people pay.

Shawn seemed to know what he was thinking as he squeezed his leg with the hand that was still resting comfortingly on his skin. “Niall is my priority too, I want to be with him…” Shawn caressed Niall’s skin with his thumb, making Niall smile despite everything. “I’m here to support him and to figure out how to do that without ruffling any feathers.”

Umbricht shook her head disapprovingly as if she was reprimanding misbehaving children. She said in an overly cheerful tone “that’s easy enough gentlemen, you can be together as you are now without disclosing your _involvement_ to the public. I’m happy you understand why it has to be this way.” The way she said involvement was as if they were nothing more than business partners. This was just business to her, Niall hated how she dismissed everything like it didn’t mean anything as long as it didn’t benefit her and the label.

He’d had enough, “actually, ya are the ones that don’t understand” he said defiantly. Umbricht just raised an eyebrow as if challenging him to go further, challenge accepted Niall thought deviously. “We are coming out publicly whether you want us to or not,” he said and left no room for arguments. One of the men across from Umbricht said in an almost bored tone “then you breach the contract, and we will sue” Niall had known that wasn’t an empty threat but he also knew they couldn’t stop them if they abode the stipulations set up in the contract.

“No, ya bloody won’t. Not if we can make sure that it won’t harm me career or risk your precious money” he let out in one furious breath. Shawn’s hand left his leg and found his own hand under the table instead. Shawn eased his hand open and intervened their fingers, Niall hadn’t even realised that he’d fisted it so hard in the last minute that he’d probably left fingernail marks behind.

Umbricht’s lips twitched as if she found Niall’s anger amusing. “Marcus be a dear and fetch me the contract,” she said sweetly but her eyes were steely as she glared at Marcus who hurriedly searched for the right page. Marcus smiled at him and Shawn as he handed the paper over to his supervisor.

Niall smiled back feeling better, Marcus knew just as well as them that there wasn’t anything in the contract that she could use against them. As long as they didn’t come out before it was time and safe to take that step without breaching the contract, she wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop them. Umbricht read it thoroughly and narrowed her eyes as if she was trying to will it to say something it didn’t, Niall smile turned from satisfied to malicious at having won this round.

She looked up and her eyes were blazing with a murderous fire “how prey tell would you manage that? I have to inform you that if you fail, it would be more than within our rights to still seek legal action.” Niall swallowed and looked at the door, Harry would better get here soon.

“Ya actually gave me the idea” he smirked at the people in the room. “You told me it would be okay if it had been Harry and that me problem is that I’m just too straight.” A few people around the room nodded.

Umbricht was looking rather impatient and rolled her eyes in badly concealed exasperation, her indifferent and relaxed nature was starting to crack. “You’re not Harry though, so that’s a moot point” Niall just shook his head as Shawn smiled as he took over. “Maybe we’re not like Harry… yet. But if we acted gayer, like Harry, we could minimize the risk. Hopefully, even eliminate it, yeah” Niall nodded along with Shawn’s words and challenged his team with his eyes to dare to argue. Their plan of coming out Harry style was maybe not bulletproof, but it was a solid plan.

Mandy had her head cocked to the side studying them intently, after a few seconds of staring she shook her head vehemently. “Again, how are you planning to do that? No offence Niall, but you’re really not gay enough, like at all. You’re a laddie kind of bloke, a women’s man. You’re like totally straight but with Shawn being an exception.” Niall felt like jumping over the table, _no offence_ his arse.

How fucking hard was it to comprehend the concept of bisexuality? Sure, Shawn was his first boyfriend. The first man he had let himself act on his attraction to blokes with but that didn’t mean he was the only bloke he’d ever been attracted to. This Mandy person didn’t know anything about him and his life and it was offensive as hell to have her say shit like that.

Shawn tightened his hand around his but that didn’t stop Niall from standing from the table and having his chair toppling backwards to hit the floor with a crash. Niall didn’t pay that any mind though, too focused on tearing Mandy a new one. “How the fuck would ya know? I can probably walk better in high heels than ya and I’d rock some guyliner.”

Maybe that was a _little_ bit of an exaggeration, but he had at least worn high heels before so that had to count for something. He’d even tried running in them actually as they had wanted him to do a high heel race under an interview with the boys. To be honest it hadn’t really gone over all that well as he’d fallen over and left the shoes behind. He wasn’t entirely averse to trying on high heels again though, this time he would however start small and work himself up to the more eye-catching heels. Maybe some heeled boots would be more of his thing, at least to start with. The more he thought about it the more the idea appealed to him, it would be nice to finally be more on Shawn’s level after all.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, Shawn had brought his chair back into a standing position and Niall gratefully sat back down. Shawn was looking at him intrigued and Niall blushed because well they hadn’t really discussed it yet, they hadn’t talked about what they would be doing now when they were supposed to act a bit gayer. Shawn bit his lower lip “we’re definitely doing that babe, it will be so hot.” He licked the lip he’d previously bitten “your eyes will probably look even bluer and it will just be mesmerizing.” Niall smiled and imagined how Shawn would look in guyliner, yeah he was definitely up for trying that. If they were doing this, they better do it right. As the saying said, in for a penny in for a pound.

“Guyliner won’t be enough you know, no one would take you seriously,” Mandy said matter of factly with a bitch know it all tone looking rather put out by Niall putting her in her place. Shawn nodded “we know, that’s why we’re going to get some help…” Just then the door opened, and everyone in the room turned towards it to see Harry Styles walk in looking around the room with an open expression and easy smile. Niall sighed relieved, Harry had perfect timing and had arrived just in the nick of time.

Shawn nodded at Harry before continuing his explanation “who better to help us act and be more like Harry Styles than Harry Styles himself,” Harry blinked a few times in surprise before a frown took over his face. Niall felt how his breath caught in his throat, he’d been so sure Harry would want to help them, but what if he would say _no_. They had no plan b, Harry was it. He really should have explained everything during their phone call, fuck this was not how it was supposed to be going. Harry was supposed to just agree and explain to everyone else in the room how he’d make Shawn and Niall gayer and more like him.

Harry looked at Shawn and Niall with an uncertain expression before greeting them with a “hey lads” he then nodded to everyone else in the room and even shook hands with the people sitting closest to the door, making them confused by the simple act. He then looked back at Shawn and Niall quizzically “what do you mean?”

Niall was suddenly feeling very nervous, he swallowed and could feel how sweat broke out all over his skin. His hand in Shawn’s had become clammy. Harry was their chance at being able to get around the contract. He was their only chance at getting to where they wanted to be, to where they could be together without any restrictions. All of a sudden Niall was not at all that sure anymore that Harry would be on board with their plan. He was their friend but maybe the idea of teaching them how to be more like him was too strange, maybe he wouldn’t be comfortable doing this for them.

Niall could feel how a lump formed in his throat making it hard to answer Harry’s question. So many emotions had raced wild within him today and he was just exhausted down to his very bones. The only emotions left swirling in his stomach was fear and uncertainty. He was desperate and _needed_ Harry to be on their side. They couldn’t do this without him. One thought unbiddenly came back to haunt him, what if Harry said no. It was a real possibility. He swallowed and looked at Shawn who nodded, it was only one way to find out if Harry would do it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, all you sweet beautiful creatures 🥰
> 
> Not much to say about this one.  
> Expect that the reference to Niall having on high heeled shoes in an interview of course really did happen 👠😂  
> If you haven't seen it you can do so here: https://youtu.be/FqsKmeXoI2U
> 
> All the love and kindness 💕


	5. Do You Know Who You Are?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is reluctant to help at first until Shiall explains what they really want from him.

**Chapter 5: Do You Know Who You Are?**

When waking up that morning Harry hadn’t thought he’d be going across town to attend a meeting with Niall and his PR team. He’d heard in Niall’s voice during their phone call earlier that he needed his help and it had been a no brainer to drop everything to be able to aid his friend. Harry would always be there for his friends and family, they meant the world to him. Niall was family and he’d do almost anything for him. He knew Niall would do the same for him, they were brothers, had grown up together really. Gone from boys to men by the others side while learning to navigate the music industry and figuring out who they were.

That was the thing though he would do _almost_ anything for the people he loved. There were a few things he wouldn’t, couldn’t do, for anyone not even for Niall. For one he wouldn’t help someone by hurting someone else in the process. For another he wouldn’t help someone to be untrue to themselves. It was very important to Harry to support and encourage self-expression and acceptance of who you are.

If he helped someone to portray themselves in a way that weren’t really them, he would do them a big disservice. Trying to be someone that you were not hurt more in the end than facing whatever repercussions you were afraid of and held you back from truly being yourself. 

No matter the circumstances he couldn’t help someone to change who they were to please others, it wasn’t right. He would be a big hypocrite if he helped other people with letting themselves go in the process of pretending to be another, when he tried to show and inspire other people by his actions that you should always be yourself.

That was why he had been stunned when he’d walked into the room and heard Shawn say that they were planning for Harry to teach them to be more like him. He liked Shawn and Niall just the way they were, they didn’t need to change. There wasn’t a thing he thought they needed to change as they were amazing, amazing people individually and an amazing couple.

He smiled thinking about how they had danced around each other for so long, both falling deeply for the other but oblivious to that the other felt the same. To Harry it had been obvious, it was in their eyes when they looked at each other. They had a special smile for the other that always took over their entire face when they talked about each other. They were adorable really and Harry supported them wholeheartedly. Love was just such a beautiful thing.

He couldn’t help but frown though, Harry didn’t understand why they would want to change and be more like him or anyone else. He was of course flattered that they thought he was someone to take inspiration from and to aspire to be like, but he didn’t want them to change who they were to be more like him.

He asked for clarification hoping that he’d misinterpreted what Shawn had said as he didn’t want to disappoint Niall, he wanted to help them in some way, but he couldn’t do what they seemed to want from him. Shawn nodded “we need to well prepare the fans for us going public yeah. We need them to know we’re LGBT and together without actually saying so” Harry nodded his head in encouragement, that made sense.

He could understand that on some level. Harry didn’t believe people should have to make a statement if they didn’t want to, people should just be able to be themselves without having to explain or put labels on anything if they didn’t wish to do so. He smiled being very happy that Shawn and Niall were apparently ready to step into the light and show everyone their love which was shining so bright. The world needed more love Harry thought.

What he didn’t understand was how he would play a part in their coming out. Again, he was flattered they had thought of him and he could definitely help them with coming up with a way to discretely but clearly show everyone what they shared. A few pictures on Instagram of them being domestic at home or them going out on a date and being seen holding hands in the street. They wouldn’t need to do or act any differently than they had done for months, they would just show it openly. Their actions would speak for themselves and that would be that.

“I’m very happy for you, I’d love to help” he started with and could see Niall release a breath and give a shaky smile in return to Harry’s own. Harry hated having to burst Niall’s hopeful bubble “…but what is it you really want me to help you guys with?”

Niall was looking down at the table and Harry saw Shawn patting him on his knee and leaning closer to his boyfriend in silent support. “Um you see, we can’t come out yet. We need to start acting gayer before we can and well, we thought we would try to be more like you?” Shawn said a little nervously. The last part sounded like a question even if Shawn probably hadn’t intended it to be.

Harry blinked a few times waiting for Niall to crack one of his signature smiles and tell him it was all a joke. It sounded ridiculous, why would they have to act gayer? Niall wasn’t even gay, and Harry wasn’t either for that matter. Every guy was different, some like him were fluid in both sexuality and gender expression some was not. The one thing they all had in common was that they were all unique.

There were gay guys that loved sports and outdoor life and straight guys that enjoyed romantic comedies and fashion. Harry was working hard to erase stereotypes and blurring the gender lines, to Harry everything was unisex, nothing was wrong, weird or too outside the box as long as you liked it and it made you happy.

“Why?” he asked perplexed hoping to get some answers. Niall looked up at him then and his eyes were desperate but determined “I signed a contract when we started out” he paused and sighed before gesturing at the people around them. As he continued his tone had turned hard as steel, his displeasure was evident “these people won’t allow us to come out.”

Harry felt how his heart constricted in his chest. They couldn’t really do that, could they? He wanted to just go over to Niall and give his friend a hug. Sometimes Harry thought there was a lot wrong with the world they lived in and he was frustrated that he couldn’t do more to change it.

A woman with her greying hair in a tight bun shook her head “now, now Mr. Horan that’s not really true. You see Mr. Styles we just want the best for Niall just as you and Mr. Mendes do” the woman said with false cheerfulness. She proceeded to tell him some rubbish about how they were protecting Niall and looking out for his best interests by making sure he didn’t so something foolish he’d later regret.

Either she was very ignorant, or she just didn’t care about anything or anyone else than herself and her own interests. Harry couldn’t tell which of the two it was for sure. He wanted to educate her but knew some people just didn’t get it and there was no chance he would get them to see the truth. He felt deep empathy for Niall and looked at him with sad eyes as the woman kept on with her spiel of how they were really doing this all _for_ Niall. As he met Niall’s eyes, he saw a fire there, Niall was seething.

As the woman finally stopped talking Niall took a deep breath before asking in a subdued voice while not looking directly at Harry, “so Harry, will ya please help us?” Harry sighed, he wanted to help them, and he would, but he couldn’t in the way Niall was asking of him. He couldn’t help them be less like themselves and more like him. He just couldn’t.

He shook his head slowly “I can’t… I can’t help you be more like me but less like you” he said slowly and then added in an apologetic tone “I’m sorry by the way, I hope you know that.” Shawn nodded resigned but what almost made Harry take the words back and bend one of his own rules was how Niall withdrew into himself. Harry knew his friend and he knew he was protecting himself by closing himself off from his own emotions as he was close to a nervous breakdown.

Shawn looked at Harry with pleading eyes “I wouldn’t put it like that, exactly” Harry desperately wanted to help them, but he didn’t know how. He needed to talk to Shawn and Niall alone, he could tell there was more to this than what they had shared so far and maybe they could come up with an alternative plan. Maybe he could help them in some other way, there had to be another way.

He looked at the others in the room and asked politely “can we have a small coffee break? Please.” A man shrugged and looked at his wristwatch “we don’t have all day. However, if you insist, I guess we could take a ten-minute toilet break.” The others nodded along with his words even if a few of them didn’t look exactly happy. Harry sighed relived, ten minutes was all they needed. Harry was going to find a solution, he was going to help his friends. After all, love always found a way.

*****SHIALL*****

Niall’s worst fear had come true. Harry had said _no_ , he wouldn’t help them. This day his emotions had been all over the place. He’d gone from excited, to angry, to resolved, to desperate and now he was feeling utterly hopeless. If Harry was not going to help them it was all game over. He closed his eyes hard to push the emotions back, he wouldn’t let the arseholes see how their actions had broken him.

Shawn would want something more than Niall could give him. Shawn had all the right in the world to seek something better, someone better. Someone that could be the boyfriend that Shawn really deserved. Someone that could show him how proud they were to call Shawn his. Niall wished Shawn would wait for him, for however long it would take before he got out from under these people's evil clutches, but he knew he couldn’t ask that of Shawn and he couldn’t expect Shawn to sacrifice so much for Niall.

He was so lost in his own head that he only heard his own destructive thoughts and white noise. That was until a warm hand settled on his neck and a thumb made soothing circles on the skin of his nape, he focused on the caress and slowly started to come back to reality.

He felt the thumb move to his cheek and swipe under his eye, had he been crying after all? Then there was a kiss at his temple “love it will be okay, Harry wishes to talk to us” Shawn whispered. Niall drew in a shaky breath before he opened his eyes and looked up into Shawn’s sad honey brown eyes. The deep homey but warm depths made him feel secure and warm despite the empty feeling inside. Shawn was there and he wasn’t about to give up on him, on them.

Shawn smiled, it didn’t reach his eyes, but it was still genuine and full of love “even when you cry, you’re beautiful” Niall shook his head but smiled despite himself. Shawn blushed and Niall’s smile widened slightly. Someone made a sound on Niall’s right and the moment broke.

Niall shook his head and looked to the side. He was surprised to realise everyone except Shawn and Harry had left the room. He’d really closed in on himself and he hadn’t even noticed people leaving. Harry was there though and that had to mean something, maybe it just meant it was all over though and that there was no chance, the fucktards had won the war.

“The meeting is it over…” he needed to know. Harry looked at him concerned “no, just a small break. I needed to talk to you guys” Niall looked at him and Harry smiled as if he knew Niall needed the reassurance that he wouldn’t leave.

“I want to help, I really do.” Niall nodded, that was more what he thought Harry would say. “You shouldn’t have to change a thing though, instead the world should change its heart” Niall couldn’t help but laugh in exasperation at that because it was so Harry and he wished it was just that easy. If life could just be that simple.

Harry sometimes saw the world with rose coloured lenses and Niall loved that about him, but the reality was rarely that beautiful, the world was flawed. The world could be a beautiful place, there was a lot of love, happiness and kindness all round. There were cracks to that beautiful reality though, the world had scars to its beauty.

Shawn shook his head “it’s not that simple man” and Niall knew Shawn got it. “We can’t just do what we want, we have to do it in a roundabout way… like you.” Harry nodded but frowned and Niall held his breath. Maybe Harry would change his mind.

Harry looked at Shawn, “you said “I wouldn’t put it like that”, what did you mean?” Shawn shrugged but answered as good as he could anyway. “Well, we wish to be more like you but not just because of the contract, it… you could really show us things, you know?” Niall knew what Shawn wanted to tell Harry, but it wasn’t that easy to put into words.

“What Shawn is trying to say is that maybe we are more like ya than we know, we haven’t really let ourselves explore before” Harry’s brows furrowed and then his expression cleared. “Do you know who you are?” Niall and Shawn looked at each other seeing the same answer in each other’s eyes. “Yes and no” Shawn confessed, “we know that we love each other but we think maybe we can be more…” Niall continued a bit inadequately. Maybe it was a good thing he hadn’t tried to explain this over the phone after all.

Shawn nodded “yeah, we have always been ourselves and we like who we are. But maybe we would like other things too? Things we have never dared to even think about, let alone try” he was flushing a little and Niall loved how easily Shawn blushed. He wondered what things the other bloke had thought about trying. He nodded in excitement knowing there were a few things he really wanted to try but didn’t know if he even had the courage to bring it up.

Harry cocked his head to the side in contemplation, after a few seconds a smile stretched over his face. “You want to change? They are not forcing you to?” he asked to clarify and both he and Shawn nodded. They wanted this even if they were forced to use it as the means to come out it didn’t take away from the fact that they wanted to explore and have a chance to figure out if there were more to themselves than anyone was aware of.

Niall suddenly understood why Harry had been so reluctant to help them. Harry was a good friend and he just didn’t want them to do something they didn’t want to do, didn’t want them to pretend to be someone else. Harry hadn’t said no because he didn’t want to help, he just didn’t want to aid them in losing who they were in the process. He laughed out of relief. It was all a big misunderstanding.

“We don’t want to change mate, we just want to explore if there’re more layers to who we already are” Harry nodded excitedly. “I can definitely help with that. To find your self-expression and show you what the LGBTQ community is all about.” Shawn looked wishful and as if this had been something that had been on his mind for a long time “would you, I’ve wanted to get more involved for a long time and you helping us would mean a lot.”

Harry nodded “of course, but I won’t tell you what to do. I’ll guide you and give you advice and inspiration. But I don’t want you to be me, I want you to find the part of _you_ that’s out there.” Harry nodded to himself before adding “always remember, there is no better you than the you that you are.”

Niall had gone from hopeless to elated. He couldn’t help but slap Harry on the shoulder playfully and chirp him a little “mate, ya really think I would start to wear bows on me shirts or let me hair grow until I could put it in a man bun?” He laughed at the put-out expression on Harry’s face at the teasing “don’t get me wrong, ya rock that look. You wouldn’t get me to do it though, even if you asked _really_ nicely” Shawn was laughing now too and soon Harry joined in as well.

It felt really good, they were all on the same page. Harry would help them, not to be more like him but to find and become who they didn’t even know themselves to be yet. They would choose what they wanted to try and explore, Harry would just be there to help guide them in the right direction. He would direct them, but they would write the script. He would make sure they didn’t fuck up and somehow was too obvious or not obvious enough. Harry would be their voice of reason when they ventured into, for them, a new and unknown territory.

When they stopped laughing Shawn was looking contemplating and a little smug “I wouldn’t mind growing out my hair actually.” Niall’s throat got dry as he imagined those locks of hair falling to Shawn’s shoulders, how he would love to card his hands through them and maybe even braid it sometime. He really loved Shawn’s hair, it was so full and think and just velvety to the touch…

He was brought out of his musings as both Shawn and Harry laughed, they said in unison as their laughter started to die down “we know Niall.” He blushed, he had clearly said some if not all of that out loud. Shawn leaned in and kissed him “I love how much you love my hair babe, I promise to not cut it.”

Just because he could Niall brought up a hand to play with a few of the silky strands of curly hair that he loved so much. He looped the hair around his fingers and scratched at Shawn’s nape in the process which made Shawn moan. How much Shawn loved when Niall played with his hair and the noises that he made, it was yet another reason Niall loved it so much. There was also the fact that his love for Shawn’s hair was what had finally gotten them together in the first place. 

Harry awed at them and they reluctantly broke apart “I hate to stop you really, but the others will be back any minute now and we still need a plan.” Niall conceded that Harry was right but didn’t want to let Shawn go so he guided Shawn to sit in his lap which Shawn seemed to have no complaints about.

Harry started to go over what he thought they could try over the next mouth or two, Shawn gave some input, but Niall was content with just listening. Harry would tell the team how they would do this and then they would meet later in the week to talk more specifics. Niall wasn’t worried, they would have time to figure it all out as they went. One gay experience at a time. He buried his face in Shawn’s hair and drew in a breath through his nose. Shawn’s hair always smelled divine and he loved how it tickled his face.

He kissed Shawn’s neck and murmured “ya ready to embark on this adventure with me” Shawn turned his head and smiled down at him. “Yeah, I can’t wait,” they didn’t know what tomorrow would bring but they knew whatever happened they would grow and evolve as they went, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, all you beautiful people 😊💜
> 
> This is kind of the end of part one of this story. I know, a lot of build-up and it only covered one day xD   
> Next, we will start to have them actually explore as they execute the plan (:
> 
> Stay true to yourself, you really are amazing just the way you are and there isn't a better you than the you that you are 💞✨


	6. Shawn's Instagram Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn goes down memory lane singing a few songs, from his true perspective, while doing an Instagram livestream.

**Part 2: The Execution**

**Chapter 6: Shawn’s Instagram Live**

It had been almost a week since Shawn and Niall had been told about the contract. A week since they had had to enlist Harry’s help to come up with a plan to get around it so that they would be able to come out as a couple without having Niall’s label going after them. Shawn wasn’t really sure what he’d expected but they hadn’t really done all that much so far, Shawn was both relieved and frustrated by that fact. Well, they had met up with Harry for lunch and he’d given them a lot of ideas and inspiration on how to proceed, but with caution.

There was a part of Shawn that wanted to just dive right in at the deep end of the pink glittery pool and throw caution to the wind. However, battling that impulse was also this other side of him which was afraid of what would happen when he emerged from the proverbial pool. He wanted to go all out in doing this but at the same time, he couldn’t just transform overnight and become someone new in the blink of an eye. They had to try to be true to themselves while evolving and finding new aspects to who they wanted to be and be seen as.

Shawn knew realistically that even if he had wanted to go from what some may call ordinary and a rather classical and safe style to something flamboyant and outside of the box, he would not have been comfortable in doing so. He couldn’t just wear a woman’s ballet outfit for a photoshoot or do a commercial for lip gloss, it would just feel too weird and foreign. Maybe someday he would feel comfortable with doing something like that but not yet, maybe he never would. It was possible that being Femme like that wasn’t even something he would really like

That was the main thing, Shawn had no idea what he would like or not. He’d never really thought about it before. Even if he’d known he was gay for years now he’d just gone with the flow and let everyone think that he was straight. He hadn’t specifically stated his sexuality, but he’d never contradicted the media or the fans when they had all presumed that he was heterosexual. Sure, there were a few that already thought he was gay, but he’d never said anything to either confirm or deny those beliefs.

Whenever he’d talked about what he liked in a partner or written songs with a pronoun it had always been about an imaginary _she_ instead of the he that it actually was. It wasn’t really that difficult to do after a while as it just became second nature and it was what people expected of him. It was just what everyone was doing, you wrote to the opposite sex, if a male artist covered a song done by a female artist you changed the lyrics and vice versa. Now it was time to change that though and he was excited to get to be honest in the way that meant the most to him, through his music. 

Harry had been very clear about the fact that they had to do things gradually, after all, they wanted this to be a smooth transition and no one would benefit from them revealing too much too soon. That was why during this week they had done small things which to Shawn didn’t really feel like much at all, but Harry had reassured them that it was a good start. It was all about showing support and starting to be more involved, if people associated them with the LGBTQ community and saw them as allies it would all come as less of a surprise that they were actually more than just allies.

Under Harry’s guidance, they had therefore followed more LGBTQ people and organizations on social media and liked a few posts about equal rights. Shawn hadn’t been ignorant, but it was still a bit overwhelming when he realised how much there still was left to do to achieve equality for all. Especially in the US where they were at a standstill or even backtracking instead of moving forward towards a better and more inclusive society.

Shawn, with Harry’s wholehearted approval, had worked with his team to provide his fans with an opportunity to make a bigger difference. He was very proud of _The Shawn Mendes Foundation,_ he strived to inspire and educate his young fans and fellow citizens to act and get involved with what was going on around them. His fans were the future, the leaders of tomorrow, and if he could be a small part in helping them find a way to contribute in making their future become the best that it could be, he was more than happy to be that person for them. That was the sort of role model he wanted to be.

With all the hate and injustice happening in the world at the moment he’d looked up ways to help and support not only the LGBTQ+ community at large but the Black LGBTQ+ community in particular. They had always been at the forefront in the gay rights movement, they deserved support and recognition now more than ever. He wished he could do more to stop racism and discrimination, that he could do more for equality and equal rights, but he did what he could and would continue to support and educate people around him.

He was also supporting _The Trevor Project_ and had decided to feature young activists that he would lend his Instagram to so that they could reach a bigger audience. There was a sea of young voices out there with people that had a lot of important things to say and changes which they wanted to make to today’s society, Shawn just hoped that everyone would start to listen to what they had to say. He planned to have a few of the young activists he would help feature to be connected to the LGBTQ+ community. Shawn felt that together they could make a difference, it was a great feeling to be able to at least do something.

Being famous and a public figure Shawn felt as if he had to at least try to make a bigger impact than the everyday person. He had better opportunities and resources to do something good and inspire others to do the same. Shawn didn’t always love being famous, but it had its advantages. Being able to be an influencer and really reach out with the important messages, and by doing so being able to change lives, was making all the drawbacks of the limelight worth it.

That was another reason why it felt overdue to come out, he knew that the more people were out and loved openly the more normalised and accepted it would become. He could help so many others by just showing them this part of himself that had until now been hidden away. He wasn’t coming out for anyone else than himself, to be able to be free and to be with Niall, but it was still an important aspect and something that made him even more excited to finally do this.

He and Niall had thought long and hard on what they should do next, in the end, it had been one thing that had stood out and which had felt just right to the both of them. There was one thing that they both felt 100 % comfortable with doing and which they really wanted to be honest through, their music. One of Harry’s suggestions had been to change lyrics in a song or to write a new song from a gay, or in Niall’s case bisexual, perspective.

Even if he had a lot of songs written in second person, with _you_ instead of a gendered pronoun, and had gotten accustomed to singing to and about girls it still felt freeing to finally be able to sing songs from his own perspective. He would be singing his truth, he decided then and there that he would never write another song that wasn’t true to his heart’s desire. He was about to finally sing songs in a way that he should always have sung them.

He smiled as he set up and sat down with his guitar in hand, he started to strum a little as people started to connect to the feed. They had decided to both do a livestream on Instagram, they would do a few songs each. Shawn could already hear Niall playing _Black and White_ for his fans. Shawn had been so caught up in his head thinking that Niall was ahead of him. Shawn hadn’t been sure what he would play, he usually just played whatever came to mind and what the fans asked for. Now he knew what song he would start with though, it was perfect and it reflected on how he was feeling.

As he saw comments start rolling in, he smiled from under a few locks of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. “What’s up?” he got a few excited comments and he acknowledged a few fans before going on “well, I hope everyone is doing good, feeling okay and if not give it patience and time as it’s a crazy world we live in.” There were comments about how they were alright and some even said that they were doing a lot better now when he was there, those comments made him smile a little wider. 

Shawn started strumming again and tried out a few filters, he chose to stick with a rainbow reflection which felt rather fitting for this occasion. He saw a comment about how one of the fans was trying to watch both his and Niall’s livestream at the same time and chuckled. The fan asked why they had gone live simultaneously and why they were doing this to them. Some would probably just think it was a coincidence, Shawn was not about to tell them it was planned. Maybe that hadn’t been the smartest decision, someone would surely record it though so the fans would be able to watch the one they missed in retrospect.

Shawn played an intro or two to some of his own songs, “I saw this movie recently” he started, and immediately people started asking _what movie_ , he smiled and shook his head fondly. “One of my friends wrote a beautiful song for it, this is _One Life_ ” he closed his eyes and sang as if the song had been his own and not Ed’s.

_It’s such a beautiful night, to make a change in our lives  
East Anglian sky, empty bottle of wine  
I got you by my side, talking about love and life  
Oh how lucky am I, when I look in your eyes? _

So, they weren’t ready for marriage or anything, but the sentiment was true for him and Niall all the same. Shawn had one life and he wanted to spend it with Niall by his side. It was also a beautiful time for starting to make a change in their lives. It also felt right knowing Niall was also singing a song about someday finding someone to marry and grow old with. He hoped Niall felt the same as he did, Shawn had already found that someone, for him it was Niall. Niall was his one true love. He was the luckiest man on earth. 

He knew he didn’t need to feel nervous or insecure, Niall was in as deep as he was, he knew Niall’s love for him was wholesome when he looked into his eyes as they lay there the whole night talking in each other’s arms. When it was just them everything was perfect. He knew it was all worth it, in the end, it meant he would get to spend forever with Niall. He played the instrumental part before singing the verse which felt most like theirs.

 _A gentle touch of the hand, fingers running through hair  
Lips pressed to _my _lips, oh I was caught unaware  
Arms holding me tight, tears in both of _our _eyes  
What a beautiful way to spend the rest of a life_

Niall _loved_ running his fingers through his hair and Shawn loved how much he loved it. Shawn would be content with just lying in Niall’s embrace having him playing with his hair and murmur in his ear for hours on end. It was some of his favourite afternoons and nights, it was a beautiful way to spend time together. The first time Niall had kissed him he had been entirely caught unaware and it had been one of the most unexpected and best surprises of his life so far. He smiled at the memory as he continued to sing.

He started out with a song where he just made a few small changes to the lyrics, not making it that obvious that he was singing about another man instead of a woman. He sang it from his perspective, with thinking about Niall kissing him for the very first time, just as he’d promised himself. He could imagine actually asking Niall _the question_ and he thought that he and Niall would be just as emotionally affected, they would both have happy tears in their eyes.

There was a chance people wouldn’t even register that he had even changed the lyrics, it was an unreleased song after all and the verse he changed to fit him better hadn’t even been featured in the movie. Shawn wasn’t doing this just to make people start to wonder though, he was doing this for himself.

He was now at the outro and couldn’t help but smile as he sang the last few lines of the song, it was all going to fall together into place. One day soon they would walk down the street with Niall’s hand in his and their hearts would be intertwined. They would wait all this time to make it just right, in perfect time they would be Shawn and Niall in front of everyone. _Some things were just meant to be,_ Shawn and Niall were just meant to be.

He opened his eyes feeling a little emotional, he strummed his guitar again for a moment looking down and smiled a smile he was sure that people would describe as infatuated. Niall made him feel like that all the time.

“ _Yesterday_ is a great movie yeah, Ed is the best” he gushed, he saw a lot of heart-eyes emojis and a few “marry me Shawn” in the comments making him shake his head and laugh a little. This livestream had been off to a great start.

Two other comments caught his eye and suddenly he knew exactly which song he would sing next. Someone asked him to sing something of Alessia Cara’s and another asked him to do a throwback. He had sung an Alessia song in the Live Lounge a few years ago and he felt that it was the perfect opportunity to give it another go.

Last time he’d changed the original lyrics, this time he’d sing the song as Alessia had written it. “This is another song by a great friend of mine, love you Alessia,” he said as he played the intro on his guitar.

 _I don't dance, don't ask, I don't need a boyfriend._ It felt good singing _boyfriend_ instead of girlfriend, not that the song's message actually correlated with where he was in his life at the moment. He already had a boyfriend not that many people actually knew that. _I'll be here, somewhere in the corner under clouds of marijuana. With this boy who's hollering I can hardly hear._ Maybe people would read into it or maybe they wouldn’t, he sang the original lyrics this time because they really represented him and who he was. 

He became slightly breathless towards the end of the song just as he had when he had sung it for the Live Lounge and couldn’t help but laugh a little because of it. He was happy that even with all the changes happening in his life some things always seemed to stay the same.

As he looked up after he finished the song, he smiled as he saw that Alessia had watched and gave him a thumbs up and a heart as well as a “love you too Shawn”. He had many great friends, most of whom knew about him and Niall and was more than supportive. He loved his friends a lot and was so grateful for all the amazing people in his life.

He liked going down memory lane and thought about a song he loved but hadn’t done in a long time. It felt like a lifetime ago when he’d covered the Hunter Hayes song and put it on YouTube. He hadn’t been more than 14 at the time, he shook his head at how fast time went by and how much that could happen in a few years’ time. If someone had told him back then where he would be now, he would have laughed in their face and not dared to believe it even for a moment.

“I sang this song a long time ago, I still love it,” he thought how much the lyrics still spoke to him and how they made him think about Niall. He strummed the guitar and smiled, Hunter’s music had that effect on him. It was just something about his songs that made him feel calm and happy.

_You know I'd fall apart without you  
I don't know how you do what you do  
'Cause everything that don't make sense about me  
Makes sense when I'm with you_

_Like everything that's green,_ boy _, I need you  
But it's more than one and one makes two  
Put aside the math and the logic of it  
You gotta know you're wanted too_

Shawn was unsure about who he was and what he wanted but when he was with Niall everything made a lot more sense, it was as if the fog cleared and all the clouds disappeared. Niall sometimes felt as if he couldn’t measure up and as if he wasn’t desirable in the same way others like Shawn and Harry were. He didn’t always believe it when Shawn said he was beautiful and sexy to him, that Niall was all that Shawn had ever wanted in a guy.

Shawn looked forward to being able to show Niall how much he wanted him by being able to wrap him up, kiss his lips, hold his hand, and call Niall his in front of the world. He would not let him or anyone else forget that Niall was the one for him. He wanted to show him and everyone else what a rare beauty he saw when he looked at Niall.

 _Anyone can tell you you're_ handsome _, yeah  
And you get that all the time, I know you do  
But your beauty's deeper than the make-up_

To Shawn Niall was pretty but he knew Niall would prefer to be called handsome, it fit him better. He was a handsome man, his handsome and beautiful man. Niall was beautiful from the inside and out and to Shawn his heart was the most beautiful of all. He would help Niall not only see but believe in his own beauty and how he would always be wanted.

Niall had made Shawn feel wanted every day since they got together, he was somehow able to make everything make more sense and make even the worst of days seem brighter. He just made Shawn’s life better, he made him better. He wouldn’t have believed anyone telling him that he’d become a pop star when he’d first covered _Wanted_. He would have had an even harder time making himself believe someone if they had told him that he would find a love like the one he now shared with Niall. It was better than he’d ever imagined, better than his wildest dreams, and felt as if it had been taken straight out of a fairytale.

_As good as you make me feel  
I wanna make you feel better  
Better than your fairytales  
Better than your best dreams  
You're more than everything I need_

Shawn sang the last chorus and smiled. It felt great being honest like this, singing from his heart. Singing for himself and to Niall in a way. This time people would probably notice as he changed the original lyrics and made it crystal clear it was a _boy_ and not a girl he had in mind when singing this song. He could see a few comments already about it “boy???”, “did he change the lyrics?” they didn’t seem accusing just unsure and a bit confused. It felt good to have it out there even if it wasn’t stated with so many words, it was still his truth that he’d just laid on the table.

He ignored the questions and continued to read through the comments. Niall must have finished his own livestream as he was now lurking on Shawn’s Instagram, he couldn’t help but chuckle when he read Niall’s comment who had just popped up on his screen.

 **niallhoran**  
Handsome huh, all I’ve ever wanted to hear 😉

He smiled and winked at the camera knowing Niall would know that it was for his benefit. He felt great being able to flirt with Niall like this, openly in a way that they hadn't dared to do before. The comment under Niall’s was a fan asking him to play some Taylor Swift. Shawn loved Taylor’s music and had even sung with her a few times. He also loved how Taylor was an artist that was very verbal in her support of the LGBTQ community, she was a true ally and activist who thought for what was right. She was someone to take inspiration from, Shawn looked up to her for sure.

He would be more than happy to do some of her songs. For what he had in mind he would like to do them with Niall though. They had decided to do the livestreams apart but maybe they could actually do both apart _and_ together. He wanted to sing with Niall so why shouldn’t he, they should do and be more natural with each other in public so why not have a little jamming session. He knew the fans would love it as well, he thought about the fan that had been beside themselves about them going live simultaneously and hoped this would make up for it.

His mind made up he sent a text to Niall asking him to join him for a song or two. In the meantime, while waiting on Niall, he decided to have a little Q&A, “I’m going to enlist some back-up. While we wait do you guys have any questions for me?” He grinned knowing Niall would not appreciate Shawn calling him _back-up_ which was why Shawn had said it in the first place. He loved teasing his boyfriend. Niall could never be just back up though, he was Shawn’s duet partner for life.

Shawn laughed as he realised almost all of the questions popping up was really just different versions of the same question, it seemed they all wanted to know who was going to join him. Shawn smiled and shook his head, he wasn’t about to tell them and spoil the surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all you beautiful people 💖
> 
> This chapter and the next two have a lot of music. I hope you don't mind the addition of lyrics??! 
> 
> Even if this story is not canon-compliant and doesn't follow a real-life timeline I do try to incorporate some canon events when it is possible.  
> Shawn has not sung One Life but he has sung both Wanted and Here. Talking about One Life, so happy for Ed who is now a dad 😃  
> The Shawn Mendes Foundation is of course also canon and he did show support for the black LGBTQ+ community for this year's pride.
> 
> If you want to follow along and listen to the songs, I have started to put together a playlist on YouTube. I will update it as I write and add songs for each chapter as I go along.   
> You can find it here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0LQChijODXajQyV7hR19GfVIzS1cm8LO
> 
> Hope you're all doing well and have a good start of the season 🍂  
> We are the leaders of tomorrow, together we can change the world!


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